You know how you have those days where you just can’t give a rats ass about anything„ and how everything is going wrong & you’ve lost some of the most important people in your life, because of something you didn’t do, but they’re accusing you of doing something? And everything blows up because of a huge miss interpretation? Yeah its been one of those weeks.

My now ex best friend, told to me to get out of her life, ‘since you keep screwing up your own life, who says you aren’t going to eff up mine’ were her exact words.

Cool. Guess that’s that. Right now I’m numb. I’ve cried, and now I just couldn’t care less anymore. I’m tired of trying& pretending I’m happy. I’m tired of fake people in my life. & I’m sick of being there for people who couldn’t give a rats ass about me.

I’ve got a way with words
and it’s the cause of all my problems

It’s True. After all isn’t that what started this? My words.

I’ve got my mind set
and that’s the way it is

I may be regretting my decision last night, but aren’t the best choices the hardest? Coz that was definitely one of the hardest decisions to make. But I’m not changing my mind, until you clean up your act.

I never thought it could get this bad
when I had you in my pocket everything was just fine and…

I honestly didn’t. I really thought you were who you made out to be. I never realised that there was truth in the rumors.

You’ve got a big mouth
and the streets are talking
about the way you walk around like you own the place

You do, and I think that was one of the main problems. You’re a little full of yourself, but I looked past that because of the fact that you’re one of my best friends. Everything in this situation is coming back to you.. ‘I heard it from him,” & ‘He said that…’

you’ve got a big mouth
and you shoulda shut it
yeah, you shoulda shut it in the first place

You really need to learn that some things aren’t for everyone to know. You don’t deserve my trust. At all.

 just, take another look at the risks we took
and all the things I said
what were they really worth

I know I took risks with you. 1 – I don’t open up easily to people. 2- I have trust issues. 3 – I don’t usually befriend guys because of past experiences.

you’re all talk, you can’t act
like you’re calling the shots
I’m the only thing that you’ve got

It’s true. You are all talk, you say that you aren’t like that, & that youre always there for me, when you and I both know that isn’t true.

We don’t have anywhere to go but up
so sit back and watch us fall
take it back, don’t react
don’t ever forget
we’ll make it by

I’m over this. I’m over you & your issues. I’m tired of people playing with my emotions, and you’re one of those people. So, until I can either work through all of this, or you can clean up your act, then this friendship is over.

And either way,
Something needs to change,
But what’s this you say,
That we need a break

I found out finding out isn’t the worst part
Don’t believe it’s just me
And I’ve found out
Do you even fucking have a clue?
You’re not quite Satan, but I really think I hate you

 (Songs are all by We Are The In Crowd - For The Win; We Need A Break; Both Sides Of The Story)

I wish you’d trusted me enough to tell me, & not just hidden it away from me. I know we’re kinda on a need to know basis, but I think that this is something I need to know.

I hope you know that this is for you, & that you won’t freak out if I decide to tell you what I really know.

Love you lots.

Not even cut or cry. Just die. Because that’s how bad its become.
I’ve gotten to the point where I really couldn’t give a fudge about living the next day. I’m smiling through the pain, laughing through the hurt.
& the people who promised they’d be here, only know I’m feeling like this when I post it publicly. That’s kinda swak.
I want out. Out of this world. Out of my life. So that’s why I have a new cut. Not because I wanted to break a promise, but because I needed a release.
I’m sorry, but if you understand, you’d let me cut because you’d know that its what I really need.

I’m sorry I’m not perfect enough for you, I’m sorry you don’t think that I’m worthy of you. I’m sorry I’m not what you want.
I’m never going to be good enough for you, but you can’t change me.
My scars are what makes me real, what makes me, me. You can’t change them, you can’t stop them either.
So, It’s been a while since I could hold my head up high, and I’m tied together with a smile, but I’m coming undone.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice things to make other people happy. But when you’re never happy & permanently sacrificing things because you’re being called selfish, and end up unhappy is when you have a problem.

I really miss my old self - the really bubbly, never sad self. I’m too depressed & I’m scared of looking for help.

To be honest, I’d just like to die.. To fall asleep & never wake up. I don’t know why, but life’s become too hard for me to deal with.

If I died, I wonder who would REALLY miss me? Who would be the ones that wouldn’t be able to shake the feeling of losing someone majorly important in their life?

Who would understand the reasons why I’d do it? This death that I’ve planned.. The idea of my beautiful suicide.

The feelings I couldn’t understand, the anger & frustration, the hurt, tears & pain. The reasoning behind each hurt.

I want my old life back. I miss the old days, where I had literally nothing on my mind.

Now I’m wondering if I’ll be able to survive the next week. I’m wondering whether my friends are real friends. Whether my real emotions are showing. Whether I’d actually be able to cut myself.. OD or something that will just stop my life. Whether I’d be judged or ousted for speaking my mind. Whether when people pretended to be there, if they really were there for me.

If my life has become so bad, how has no one noticed the change in me?

So, I’ve had a hectic couple of weeks since starting high school.  I’ve completely changed, and I don’t think it’s for the better.

First off, I started hanging out with someone I never usually would’ve associated myself with… And I’m totally regretting that decision. He may have turned out to be one of my closest friends, but his attitude is rubbing off on me and badly.

I’d really hate to end this friendship, but personally I think it’s for the best. This guy is like my bro, but so many people have told me about how he is, and what he does & that I should watch out for him

Love you bro, but that also doesn’t change the fact that you’re two-faced, and I really don’t want to be connected to someone like that. So yeah, this is an indirect letter to you, but I really think that it won’t be the best thing for me to be friends with you.